I thought about putting an inspirational infertility quote here, but instead I'll share that once I got out of a moving vehicle while on Clomid. I was hormonal, enraged and hulking out. I was a lurched animal in a cage.  Once I escaped, I walked for blocks while my husband slowly drove next to me. Eventually I cried it out, calmed down, and finally got back in the car. He never mentioned it again.

If you need me, I'll be on my couch.

I haven’t written in over a week. I’ve been unable to find the energy to write, mostly due to the fact I am a shell of the human I was just a few weeks ago. I have become a recluse, yearning to live a life of solitude.

I haven’t worn a bra in two days. I haven’t washed my hair in three. I’m purely living in a state of survival at this point. And, I’m becoming entirely too comfortable with my new norm. (Side note, we had a shop meeting this morning at 9am. I did put a bra on for that 45 minutes, but I ripped it off as soon as my ass hit the driver’s seat.)

Like I said in my previous post, I feel like a complete dick complaining about pregnancy. But, I did promise to be honest. And, if you’ve had the pleasure of having any interaction with me over the past two weeks, there is no way you’ve escaped a conversation that hasn’t revolved around how sick I am.

I was pretty nauseas with Mickey. I actually got sick a couple times, but it never made it difficult to function. This time the nausea is 24/7. I puke as soon as I open my eyes in the morning, then again around 5:00 every night, sometimes with a cute little encore of vomiting around 8 or 9. It’s not even the actual throwing up that’s the worst part. It’s the constant nausea with no relief.

It’s making me a nasty person to be around. I’m impatient with my daughter and my husband. And our dogs. And our mailman. And anyone I come in contact with.

Oh, and I’m basically sedentary. And like I've said before, working out or being active is my sanity. I’m now at the point where I’m wearing down the left corner of our living room couch from sitting in the same position, knees to my chest, for 80% of the time I’m awake. Seriously, we should probably hire a nurse to come turn me throughout the day so I don’t develop bed sores.

My diet is 99% beige. I've probably put on 12 lbs in pure bagel weight. I’m surviving off of starches and carbs. The only physical activity I’m getting is when I sit, stationary of course, and move my arm from picking up a bagel and cream cheese and lifting it to my mouth. I’m just shoveling carbohydrates down my gullet in hopes that I’ll find any sort of relief. This is not an exaggeration, though I wish it were, I had minimum 12 pieces of bread the other day. Twelve. Pieces. Of. Bread. That can’t be healthy.

Being that I’m pregnant, and that it’s the first trimester, there’s not a ton you can take. So they, (doctors/nurses/experts), have come up with a concoction to help curb nausea. It’s 50 mg. of vitamin B6 and a half of a Unisom tablet, three times a day.

The only downside to this miracle blend, is that Unisom is a sleep aid. Granted it’s only half of a tablet, this shit hit me hard. Maybe I’m a giant wuss when it comes to meds that can make you drowsy, but Jesus. Within 15 minutes of taking that bad boy, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and quickly passed out on the couch like I was 21 yrs. old after too many shots.

The nurse said I would get used to it, though it might take a few days. Well, I took it again this afternoon, and I’m fighting the urge to fall asleep. As I type, my eyes keep going crossed, but I’m not AS nauseas. I was able to eat some peas alongside my mashed potatoes for lunch; small victory. Maybe I’ll be able to eat a salad or something with any sort of nutritional value for dinner.

I just need to figure out a way to fight this drowsiness and live nausea free. I think the key is not sleeping, even though that’s what your body is telling you to do. If I can just stay awake through the sluggishness, I think it will work.

And on that note, my husband just called me. He’s going to take our daughter to run some errands, so I can be alone for a while. I’ve fought the urge to fall asleep for a good 35 minutes. I’m comfortable with abandoning this mission. Time to raise the white flag and give into the Unisom.

Sweet Dreams.


Nothing to see here folks.

Toot, Toot