I thought about putting an inspirational infertility quote here, but instead I'll share that once I got out of a moving vehicle while on Clomid. I was hormonal, enraged and hulking out. I was a lurched animal in a cage.  Once I escaped, I walked for blocks while my husband slowly drove next to me. Eventually I cried it out, calmed down, and finally got back in the car. He never mentioned it again.

"Oh hello infertility, didn't see you there."

I’ve always wanted to write a book or start a blog. It’s always been on my bucket list (aka the “if I grow a set and stop being afraid of failure” list). I always toyed with the idea of writing about my insane dating experiences or messy path to a career. Never would I have predicted I’d start a blog on infertility.

Having kids was never part of my plan, so one can imagine that going through infertility treatments was never on my radar. I’m pretty sure no one really plans on not being able to get pregnant. Usually the goal is either to make babies or do everything in your power to not get knocked up.

For the majority of my adult life I’ve been riding the anti-pregnancy train. I was so afraid of getting pregnant that I’ve made boyfriends pull out while wearing spermicidal condoms in tandem with me taking birth control at the exact time everyday. Still, I was on period watch from about day 20 of my cycle on, convinced one of those little soldiers got past my special ops line of defense and successfully penetrated the bullet proof shield I had around my egg. 

Once my husband and I were engaged in 2012, I quickly hopped off the no baby train and sprinted toward 'Let's start a family as soon as we're married - ville." 

We got married in May 2013 and I immediately stopped taking the pill. It was so freeing. I was so mature, so maternal. I assumed I'd be pregnant by June, naturally. I could basically feel my uterus expanding just thinking about it. 

But, I wasn't pregnant and I wasn't getting pregnant. After a year of each month ending with an extended visit from my nemesis, Aunt Flow, I started to get a little concerned. 

We kept on trying to conceive -  taking ovulation tests, keeping my legs up for 20 minutes after sex, not tanning, not taking baths, taking supplements, not drinking caffeine, basically trying anything we could find via google. Finally in January 2015, my ob/gyn referred us to a fertility clinic.

After lots and lots of uncomfortable testing (those deserve a blog post of their own), we were faced with a nasty reality we didn't see coming. I was considered infertile.

ME?! ME, 29 YEAR OLD HEALTHY AND IN SHAPE, ME? INFERTILE. NO. NOPE. HAS TO BE A MISTAKE. YOU GOT THE WRONG GIRL.

Well, two failed aggressive clomid with timed intercourse cycles, four failed IUI's, and one failed IVF cycle later - I am now a beat up, heavier, 30 year old version of that girl refusing to accept infertility as a reality. 

So here I am, after all these years, on period watch AGAIN. This time I'm desperately awaiting its arrival so I can strap in and ride the roller coaster also known as my second IVF cycle. 

Won't you join me on this magical journey through infertility? I can't promise it will always be uplifting. I can't promise it's always going to be what you want to hear. I can't promise you won't get grossed out by the shit I share. What I can promise, is that it will be real. I promise to give you the uncut, the unfiltered and unapologetic truth of my battle with infertility. 

"Nice to meet you. Did you get me pregnant yet?"